look up.

for too many days, i've been walking through both loud and busy streets as well as quiet and still ones...carrying the weight of heavy eyes. they carry the weight of tears born in shame, pain, and hurt. that weight pushed into my heart. but slowly...i can feel them shifting...i can feel the weight lifting. i can feel them slowly but surely, looking up...and what lovely things abide up there. and the heart so follows...slowly looking up to behold Love.

love is a mix tape vol. 6

So if you want to get to know me,
follow my smile into it's curves
All these lines are born in sorrows and in pleasures,
and every man ends up with the face that he deserves.

-dawes; when you call my name.

love is a mix tape vol. 5

"You sleep like a kid with one hand stuck fast to the side of your face. Backside in the air, mouth half open, but still filled with grace. And you seem so happy as your skin turns the colour of a violet-golden sky. And it cuts me up when we fight and go to bed facing opposite sides. You're like gasoline. You're like the willow tree. You're like a split-screen. But you're the green in me."-admiral fallow, dead against smoking.

dead against smoking-admiral fallow by suzylee

love is a mix tape vol. 4

"He's brought me to the wilderness where i will learn to sing

and He lets me know my barrenness so i will learn to Lean." -laura hackett; beautiful Mercy.

Beautiful Mercy-Laura Hackett by suzylee

love is a mix tape vol. 3

I've locked up these words,

in fear that I'd say them wrong.

Is it love as a mountain, or love as a simple song?

And the moment that the two meet

has now laid itself at your feet.

And love is not convenient; it does not cease at your command.

You might take and leave it, but love is all I am.

Love is all I am.

-love is all i am; dawes.

love is a mix tape vol. 2

"it's that sinking feeling of being alone.

and it's the way it makes you screech

and pulls the skin off your bones

and i can't help but think, as i pick my mouth off the floor,

will you still know me in a year?"

-admiral fallow; squeeling pigs

img via: papertissue.tumblr.com

love is a mix tape vol. 1

"when we've been There for ten thousand years, our song will be the same. praise to the One who has brought us Here, Jesus is His name."

-phil wickham, in your city.

img via papertissue.tumblr.com

can't get you off of my heart.

there are lyrics that are alive inside of me. they're breathing deep inside me. they affect the way i look at things, the pace of my step, and the way i go about my days. they're more than a catchy line to me. somewhere deep in me, Papa created a home for not just any fancy lyric, but the real special ones. Papa knew that if He created a place for them there, one day in the right place, time, and context, those little words had His power to change me. so there are lots of things i could tell you about my days in glasgow, lots of pictures i could show you of buildings that millions before me have seen...but i don't think anything quite sums up my days as these lines. so here, i'll begin sharing them with you. in a series named after my favorite book, love is a mix tape.

"The times you lived through, the people you shared those times with — nothing brings it all to life like an old mix tape. It does a better job of storing up memories than actual brain tissue can do. Every mix tape tells a story. Put them together, and they can add up to the story of a life." -rob sheffield, love is a mix tape.

oh, christian.

so love this man. counting down days before i see him again in november.

but don't worry, i am not the bread and the knife. you will always be the bread and the knife.

they should triumph.

"it so happened that lucy, who found daily life rather chaotic, entered a more solid world when she opened the piano. she was then no longer either deferential or patronizing; no longer either a rebel or a slave. the kingdom of music is not the kingdom of this world; it will accept those whom breeding and intellect and culture have alike rejected....she was no dazzling executante; her runs were not at all like strings of pearls, and she struck no more right notes than was suitable for one of her age and situation. nor was she the passionate young lady, who performs so tragically on a summer's evening with the window open. passion was there, but it could not be easily labelled; ...she loved to play on the side of Victory. Victory of what and over what-that is more than the words of daily life can tell us. but that some sonatas are written tragic no one can gainsay; yet they can triumph or despair as the player decides, and Lucy had decided that they should triumph." -e.m. forster; room with a view

time is now...

i'm in glasgow!

my time has already been so lovely. i'm absolutely enamored with the city and can't believe i get to call this place home. i've been a bit frustrated in my search for a flat. however, that never lasts long when i look out the window and see the rolling countryside of scotland and get the most sincere hugs from dear, amazing, sweet, and kind ami. i'm staying in cumbernauld with ami and her parents. it's about 15 minutes out of glasgow. it's perfectly lovely with horses literally rolling around in massive green hills. i've never seen such happy horses! it was rainy and cold today so i stayed in to read and look up flats. i had a lovely afternoon tea with sandy (ami's dear dad) and he gave me a great rundown on scotland's government and we talked about cultural changes that both of our countries are experiencing and the differences in generations in each culture. i was so thankful that he took the time. after a bit more reading, margaret (ami's sweet mum) took me for a little walk along the river. we talked about all kinds of things from scottish social services to america and the UK's healthcare policies, but also stopped to look at slugs (which look SO different here). when we returned home, margaret poured me a gin and tonic and we watched the scottish military tattoo on bbc for a bit before sandy called us in for dinner. dinner was a vegetarian's dream. he prepared a perfect potato leek soup that i'm still dreaming about, ratatouille, wild mushroom risotto, potato frittes, and thyme baked yukon gold baby potatoes. and then of course we took some tea to top it off.

i. love. scotland.

passion pit.

i'll pray for you.

until my face turns blue.

let your love grow tall.

image: via papertissue.tumblr.com

they spoke as though returning only meant regression.

but these days, you're returning. returning to the journey of becoming a lover. a lover of people, places, days, nature, words, life, hope. you're becoming a lover once again. and it is not a mistake. you are becoming who you are. a lover.

thankful for...

and thinking of jairus today.

i breathed.

once.

twice.

and grew hopeful again.

exceedingly faithful.

love begins with solitude.

and nothing disappears. memories, and love.

they all remain somewhere,

exceedingly faithful.

two hearts.

it's like i have two hearts.

when i'm in love i think, "could this really be love?"

if there's something i want...i wonder, "could it be okay for me to have it?"

even in my being in love, i find myself running away.

even in my running away, i find myself in love.

but this is me.....

growing

into

one.

obedient freedom.

just taking one little...scared...hopeful...trembling "yes" to Him at a time.

can't seem to get enough.

of this guy.