i had never...

really listened to sun kil moon. but this song keeps popping up in my "tallest man on earth" pandora station and it's starting to really pull me in. i think it has the familiarity of the 90's alternative music i find so comforting.

i live with 7 girls...

so this never happens. but i am officially

HOME ALONE.

and i shouldn't feel so silly about it.

but. i. do.

which makes me realize...scotland will be more challenging than i initially thought.

this solitude i dreamt of...will be deeper and more tangible than

any i've ever. ever. ever. known.

so i'll need so much more of Him.

to fill this void.

in me.

so i go.

i miss it. but there are good, beautiful, real and wonderful things coming. so i go.

last night.

amélie. wrapped up and next to the fireplace. yes, thank you.

it's not about me.

to be alone with you.

Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You - Oct 1/09, Toronto from trendaway on Vimeo.

old soul, new day.

dear old friend,

i wonder how you are. i wonder about your day...about the people you embraced, the tune you hummed, the sky you saw and the hands you did shake. i wonder if anything made your heart soar today... and i care so terribly about what direction you've gone, in what place you'll choose to lay. i wonder about the words you used, the things you feared, the questions you asked, and the answers you've refused. i wonder where you parked your bike, where your feet stood, where your hands layed, and the places you'll yearn for as you drift off to sleep tonight.

i wonder about today as i wonder about the days to come, when we'll look back on this day of such uncertainty, and know that it was these days what would make the substance of those days....that it was this heart today, that would dictate its own future fate.

i just know that sometimes, i try so hard to live as though today is independent of that day. i hope that you haven't skipped pebbles, being unaware of the waves you'd create.

oh, friend...all day, i've wondered about your day.

dear heart, don't grow dim.

when i was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. everything moved me. a dog following a stranger. that made me feel so much. a calender that showed the wrong month. i could have cried over it. i did. where the smoke from the chimney ended. how an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table. i spent my life learning to feel less. every day i felt less. is that growing old? or is it something worse? you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

-jonathan safran foer "extremely loud and incredibly close."

macaroon! macaroon!

this weekend, i met a real life french pastry chef. i think that i would very much like to marry this man. he had a wonderful accent that made my heart tickle. and he taught me how to thicken my preserves for my raspberry cutout heart cookies. he gave me his secrets and macaroons to munch on.

i think i will be stopping by his stand at the farmer's market stand more often.

oh. but still.

image: papertissue.

the things we carry

can be found here.

tUne-yarDs.

love the rain...

but this little tune makes me miss dear summer.

do what You have to do.

in earnest.

asking and working for the resolve to:

refuse the growth of apathy in the pursuit of Truth and be devoted to the growth in depth and width of this Truth.

learn of gratitude that does not die at words, but changes oneself. to express this gratitude relentlessly.

be aware of those that surround oneself, to continue in the pursuit of knowing them, and to give them the space to be their unique self.

develop the emotion of longing for the absent into hoping for their joy.

grow this list in the pursuit of the preceding.

our selves.

the pursuit of Truth should move our selves outside of the center. this pursuit should make us move and make us change. if we haven't moved, if we haven't changed, we remain at the center, and we have been tricked into the pursuit of our selves.

haiti.

the loss in this man's face is one that words can't describe and pounds can't weigh.

AP Photo-Red Cross

Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said

Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days

That are no more, and shall no more return.

Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed;

I stay a little longer, as one stays

To cover up the embers that still burn.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

it will always seem like a glowin' dream...

this is why i love andrea.

she finds things like this silly list that make me laugh out loud in my cubicle. oops.

The XX
Blog enthusiasts who thought wearing a keffiyeha was awesome.

Animal Collective
Guys who make “Best of the Year” lists in January based predominantly on “feeling.”

Vampire Weekend
Bros who try to make out with girls at concerts by relating to them via old Nickelodeon shows. “Remember Pete & Pete??”

Death Cab for Cutie
Girls who quote lyrics as their Facebook status.

Neon Indian
Gorilla Vs. Bear readers.

The Shins
Premature alts who considered Garden State a life-altering viewing experience.

Radiohead
Everyone.

Kimya Dawson
Chicks who are described by their girlfriends as “sweet” and “really nice” when guys ask if their friend is hot.

Matt and Kim
Closeted Blink-182 enthusiasts.

Phoenix
People who don’t listen to enough music.

Dirty Projectors
People who like way too many toppings on their pizza.

-the lovely lady.