blowing my mind.

"It doth not yet appear what we shall be." 1 John 3:2

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says - "Well, supposing I were in that condition . . ." We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, "Except ye become as little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. -oswald chambers

image from: yatzer.com

so two thousand and late.

what the heck was i doing in 2008 when the acorn was touring the U.S.? missing out. for sure.

for the past couple months i've been swooning over this band from ottawa. their multi-instrumental musical family has me wishing i was a part of their beautiful song-making.

their album glory hope mountain has been pretty epic to me through a good chunk of this year so far.

here's a live performance of one of my favorites of theirs.

ohbijou.

this band is kind of blowing me away in this unexpected but fully deserved way. the instrumentals are beautiful and the mv is insane. check. it. out.

mastic villages.

these images are breathtaking. you can find the article here.

sista sista.

img: papertissue.tumblr.com

i often gag at the word "sisterhood." this, most likely, can be attributed to countless new friends in cali who gawk at the revelation that i, in my college years, was in a sorority.

but lately i've found a new. deep. fresh. gratitude for sisterhood. one in particular has shown me such courage in her willingness to be intimate in friendship, rather than the standard operating girl procedures of : judge & be judged.

she doesn't even know it, but her words, her embrace, her presence, her stories....they've helped me to reclaim my heart. little. by. little.

what a dream you are, mare. what a radical, lovely, hopeful dream.

i work at big brothers big sisters.

and i'm so blessed by it. today, i interviewed a volunteer, who when asked what she would like her Little Sister to know about her, responded: "that i'm out-going...." then she paused....smiled...and said, "and that i like my life."

it was contagious....i smiled and thought about how even though i spent the past year in the longest, coldest winter season of my life...today, i like my life too. i remember long nights spent crying quietly and hours spent on our balcony, lips chapped from the cold wind. and i think how glorious it is that rescue can be so triumphant and sweeping sometimes, but in others...it's so quiet, gentle and sweet.

"Oh dear, oh dear," said Lucy. "And I was so pleased at finding you again. And I thought you'd let me stay. And I thought you'd come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away – like last time. And now everything is going to be horrid." "It is hard for you, little one," said Aslan. "But things never happen the same way twice." -prince caspian.

...so i've found.

for love's sake.

if thou must love me, let it be for nought

if thou must love me, let it be for nought
except for love's sake only. do not say-
"i love her for her smile-her look-her way
of speaking gently-for a trick of thought
that falls in well with mine, and certes brought
a sense of pleasant ease-on such a day."-
for these things in themselves, beloved, may
be changed, or change for thee-and love-so wrought,
may be unwrought so. neither love me for
thine own dear pity's wiping my tears dry-
a creature might forget to weep, who bore
thy comfort long, and lose their love thereby!
but love me for love's sake, that evermore
thou may'st love on, through Love's eternity

-elizabeth barrett browning

L o v e inspired b e a u t y.

"we turn not older with years but newer every day." -emily dickinson.

life is very good.

i feel very full and fed. not necessarily on food. just on life's beauty. thank You today.

lost.

today i got lost in the hills of hollywood and at first i really struggled. i panicked and got frustrated with the concept of not being able to get somewhere i was supposed to be. it made me feel like a little child. but then in a moment it shifted. i sat in my car, surrendered and asked for His presence. i opened my eyes and realized i was in one of the most beautiful and still places in the depths of the city. i sat atop the hollywood reservoir. and i happened to have my journal. i ended up journaling for two and a half hours. i may have missed out in some ways, but in other ways, i might have been just where i was supposed to be.

joined the mac revolution.

yeayuh.

king. of. spain.

swooning.

dear suzy,

photo found here.

i had never...

really listened to sun kil moon. but this song keeps popping up in my "tallest man on earth" pandora station and it's starting to really pull me in. i think it has the familiarity of the 90's alternative music i find so comforting.

i live with 7 girls...

so this never happens. but i am officially

HOME ALONE.

and i shouldn't feel so silly about it.

but. i. do.

which makes me realize...scotland will be more challenging than i initially thought.

this solitude i dreamt of...will be deeper and more tangible than

any i've ever. ever. ever. known.

so i'll need so much more of Him.

to fill this void.

in me.

so i go.

i miss it. but there are good, beautiful, real and wonderful things coming. so i go.

last night.

amélie. wrapped up and next to the fireplace. yes, thank you.

it's not about me.

to be alone with you.

Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You - Oct 1/09, Toronto from trendaway on Vimeo.