thoughts under a tree.

You're the one that I want.

we are made of love.

recently i've had the pleasure of playing with dear mr. ryan o'neal of sleeping at last. he's not only a really incredibly talented musician, but a very wise soul as well. thankful for his words and the amazing Papa that inspires Him.

"All the blood and all the sweat

That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That maybe Hollywood was right:
When the credits have rolled and the tears have dried,
The answers that we have been dying to find
Are all pieced together and, somehow,
Made perfectly mine.

We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love"

//needle and thread\\

///sleeping at last\\\

a stirring.

photo via papertissue.

when it all seems too big, too scary, too much,

too grievous, too heavy.

be still.

and there I'll be.

with you. in all the places you are.

this truth

=

::m o r e t h a n e n o u g h f o r m e:::

hey, you.

i've been pen pal-ing with my pop's best friend's son in korea. i got to sit and catch up

with their family when i was there a few months ago. i've seen them only a couple times in my life, but always feel so much warmth when i'm with them...from the way they loved my dad.

when i was 18 and my sweet dad went to see our Father, i was 18!! all i could think about was my own loss...my own tragedy, my own grief. but the older i get, and the more years that pass, the Lord

gives me glimpses into the loss that other people in my dad's life felt. recently, it's been

this friend of my father's. this man who loved, treasured, and cared for my dad in years

that my dad was making some pivotal decisions about who he would become and the life

he would set out to live. this friend watched and prayed faithfully, as my dad married my mom, began a family, and moved to a country far, far away. when his own family rebuked my dad for chasing dreams that fell out of line with his customary familial duties, this friend was who my dad turned to for prayer, support, and encouragement. and when my dad passed so suddenly,

this man grieved, thousands of miles away, the loss of his dearest friend. as i think about this dear friend, and the beauty of the way he loved my dad so faithfully, even now, i hear Jesus' promise to His very best friends on earth.

"...do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms (!!) if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the Way to the place where I am going."

-john 14:1-4

how to live.

...He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

ecclesiastes 3:11-12.

here are some pictures taken on my pa's old film camera that i carry sometimes. these images are somewhat scattered, but nice reminders of so many different moments. many of these are taken in old french mountain towns. others in our quiet granny flat in provence, where i spent lots of afternoons inside, asking Jesus to inspire my dissertation writing. and some sweet images taking me back to jolly nights with friends in glasgow, and afternoon wanderings with my very dearest friend.

all of them remind me of how to live.

with Him.

la mer de pianos.

La Mer de Pianos from Films & Things on Vimeo.

"but it's about finding a part so that a historic piano can sing again."

lately.

“In those days, we finally chose to walk like giants and hold the world in arms grown strong with love. And there may be many things we forget in the days to come, but this will not be one of them.” -brian andreas.

bless them with your patience.

I’ll be your Emmylou and I’ll be your June

and you’ll be my Gram and my Johnny too

you know I’m not asking much of you

just sing little darling sing with me.


so much i know that things just don’t grow

if you don’t bless them with your patience

and I’ve been there before

i held up the door for every stranger with a promise

but I’m holding back

that’s the strength that i lack

every morning keeps returning at my window

and it brings me to you and i won't just pass through

but I’m not asking for a storm...

it troubled me to trouble you.

If we obey God, it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the pain begins. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything— it is a delight. But to those who do not love Him, our obedience does cost a great deal. If we obey God, it will mean that other people’s plans are upset. They will ridicule us as if to say, “You call this Christianity?” We could prevent the suffering, but not if we are obedient to God. We must let the cost be paid.

When our obedience begins to cost others, our human pride entrenches itself and we say, “I will never accept anything from anyone.” But we must, or disobey God. We have no right to think that the type of relationships we have with others should be any different from those the Lord Himself had (see Luke 8:1-3).

A lack of progress in our spiritual life results when we try to bear all the costs ourselves. And actually, we cannot. Because we are so involved in the universal purposes of God, others are immediately affected by our obedience to Him. Will we remain faithful in our obedience to God and be willing to suffer the humiliation of refusing to be independent? Or will we do just the opposite and say, “I will not cause other people to suffer”? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but it will grieve our Lord. If, however, we obey God, He will care for those who have suffered the consequences of our obedience. We must simply obey and leave all the consequences with Him.

Beware of the inclination to dictate to God what consequences you would allow as a condition of your obedience to Him.

-oswald, 1.11

"we had the same feeling at opposite time"

...speak clearly he said but didn't see

he acted that way and held me like a cup

fill me up and pour me out, they realize the doubt

we had the same feeling at opposite time...

first off, whoever broke feist's heart was a dummy. but the melodies that came out of it are woah-ing. so glad that feist made beauty out of tragedy.

given over; no giving up...

park in berlin.

i want this year to be marked with a much deeper surrender of everything i have, i am, i want, and i know, to Him. all the things i've wrestled with, and all those things i've held too tightly, i give to Him...not because i'm sure of anything, but because He deserves it. He deserves more than i could possibly contain or be. i don't want to hold anything back from Him anymore...those things i felt i knew, that it turns out i really really didn't.

i have soundtracks for some of my dearests, and i hold those songs as runes in my heart, evidence of our times together, who they are to me, and who i learned to be for them. i hope that when the Lord thinks of me, this refrain swells up in His ears.

//you can have all this world. but give me Jesus.\\

promises for keeps.

image via tumblr.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

John 14:3

proceeding.

despite its uncertainties and even its fair share of devastations, i'm so grateful for my life, and that it gets to be lived with Him. He makes weak places strong, the hurt places healed, the unknown things known. but trillions of lifetimes cannot fathom His mysteries. and.i.am.okay.with.that. it's for the unknown that we continue living...to see what may come of the next day, and to encounter the future. He's my unknown.

photo via here.

hungry for answers, but there's one answer only. everytime. everything. take it to Him.

Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.

I should never say, “I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test.” Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.

In dealing with other people, our stance should always be to drive them toward making a decision of their will. That is how surrendering to God begins. Not often, but every once in a while, God brings us to a major turning point— a great crossroads in our life. From that point we either go toward a more and more slow, lazy, and useless Christian life, or we become more and more on fire, giving our utmost for His highest— our best for His glory.

oswald chambers;;utmost for His highest.

may i be weaved in your hair.

iron and wine; love & some verses.

!!!

what a day.

first i had a really awesome interview with the folks at red hill, which reminded me of why i dream of opening up my own restaurant one day. i grew up working in my parent's restaurant, where i spent my weekends. but as much as i pretended like i hated it, my parents knew better. i loved the environment they created for their customers. they never put out a single advertisement. their business was built 100% on the relationships they developed through the years. in that time, our family saw our regulars get married, graduate, have children, celebrate birthdays, and even mourn losses. they expected my parents to ask them how they were doing, and knew that they actually cared. when my dad passed away, some of our regulars came to his funeral, and others left cards and flowers at our restaurant. our regulars were special people, and we were thankful to be a part of their days. i hope i can recreate that kind of magic for a community i call home one day.

after my interview, i dropped in to vivier & bentley and got to meet my favorite jewelry designer, kathryn bentley. i came away with these lovelies...which i've been smitten with for quite a while.

then! i ran into the candy store in old town pasadena, bc i had no change for the parking meter! look what i found!! stallion bubble gum cigarettes! i used to buy these from the ice cream trucks and hide them in my clothes drawers when i was a littttle girl. mumsie always found them. i always wondered how she knew, but i forgot back then, that she washed all my clothes and was in my dresser drawers 10x more than me. oops.

then there's these. my heart skipped a beat when i saw the box at my doorstep. i've been waiting for these steezies!!! i will have many adventures in these. oh, the things we will see, the places we will go, the mountains we will hike! today we wandered around the reservoir. tomorrow, who knows what we will see :)

Yes to me despite me.

dry bones.

lately i'm so homesick. but no place fills that void. el paso, waco, san diego, glasgow, la. none of these places are my true home. it's awakened in me a desperate hunger for the Kingdom come. i'm so desperate to taste that immense pleasure and comfort of finally just being with Who i was created for, to not question or live in fear, but to be in the depths of His security and grace. until then, He's made a way for me, to be with Him in the here and now. wherever i am. Spirit, come. these dry bones ache for You.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. -Revelation 21:4.

warm whistles.

...how did so little of your time affect so much of mine?

"you're still in my drawer...

secondary sources, to bring me news of you..."

-jillian edwards.

photo via: papertissue.tumblr.com