Friday, May 29, 2009

my dear capucine...

the intoxicating delight of capucine

growing up is overrated and that is made clear here. i don't really care what anyone says, i aspire with all my heart to be like capucine when i grow up, and for all my days. i want this grace. i want this fullness of joy. most of all i want this wonder, mystery and contentment. she's captivating, and i aspire to be just like this sweet lovebug! yes, please.

Friday, May 22, 2009

sweet. heart.

I'm really not one to glorify sadness, but William has found beauty and the poetic in those places. I'm so thankful for his vulnerability & simplicity in sharing his heart through his music. Nothing fancy, just honesty & a heavy dose of reality and voila: beauty.


"If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." -- William Penn

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

i want to feel small.

To make us feel small in the right way is a function of art; men can only make us feel small in the wrong way. E. M. Forster

Monday, May 18, 2009

love is a mix tape.

my favorite book. ever.

it's a story of love & loss...relayed through something i'm passionate about.
90's music.
love+loss+90's music=me weeping & laughing & oh so glad that someone else gets it.

"it's too late to sleep anyway. the coffee's gone cold, so i just heat up another pot. tonight, i feel like my whole body is made out of memories. i'm a mix tape, a cassette that's been rewound so many times you can hear the fingerprints smudged on the tape.
press play.
first song, side two: r.e.m.'s "man on the moon." did renee ever make a mix tape without r.e.m.? a whole generation of southern girls, raised on the promise of michael stipe.
i now get scared of forgetting anything about renee, even the tiniest detail, even the bands on this tape i can't stand-if she touched them, i want to hear her fingerprints. sometimes, i wake up in the middle of the night, my heart pounding, trying to remember: what was renee's shoe size? what color were her eyes? what was her birthday, her grandparents' first names, that willie nelson song we heard on the radio in atlanta? the memory comes back, hours or days later. it always comes back. but in the moment, i panic. i'm positive it's gone for good. i'm shaking from that sensation now, trying to remember some of this music. nothing connects to the moment like music. i count on the music to bring me back-or, more precisely, to bring her forward."
-rob sheffield.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

learning love.

Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us—and those around us—more effectively. Look for the learning.
— Louisa May Alcott

thank you for you. though our story is a sad one, i'm glad for it. i'm glad you showed me beauty in places i had forgotten to look. you won't be here anymore. you won't be in the car, sitting next to me. you won't be next to me on the bench, or on the couch, or laying next to me on the ground. but you'll be in every book i read, and the songs i hear. you'll be in my tears and in my laugh. your voice will tell me that i'm the most cared for person in the world. you'll be in my hand as i reach out to shake other hands...and i'll say, "hello. this is me." little will they know that what i mean is that so much of this is you.

one day i'll meet him. and i'll tell him stories about you. i'll tell him how gentle, kind, humble, patient and beautiful you were. he'll fear you at first. he'll fear never knowing my heart like you did. but soon he'll thank you. he'll find you in my questions. he'll hear you in my answers. he'll smirk as he sees you in my abandonment to joy. he'll weep with me as he sees you still in my tears. and he'll thank you for making me. he'll thank you for holding me when he wasn't there for me yet. he'll thank you for caring for me and hurting for me, before he could share my life with me. he'll thank you for fighting for me before he could tell me that i was worth his all. he'll thank you. because he'll know that so much of much of this is you.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

capucine, help us find the orange-ringed lady!

my dearest danes.

she feeds my soul with her hearty laughs and her sly smiles...that are so genuine in showing me that she's glad we're sharing life together. i look over at her as she grins with her eyes moving through the book before her, proud as punch that we can enjoy her patio together, full of the new plants that she's just potted. her nails hold soil. the same soil that will now feed the baby plants.

and so it goes, that we'll share life. we'll share the fruits of our labors together again. and again. she'll keep smiling at me and sharing her hearty laughs to reassure me of the gladness inside of me that fills my spirit. and i'll be thankful again. and again.
her friendship and her life that unfolds before us will mystify me day. after day. and i'll sit amazed for what grows in her life and surpasses my words. she'll sit before me as a testimony that what's potted and cared for will grow.

Friday, May 8, 2009

courage, kind heart.

“To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free."

Friday, May 1, 2009

1 samuel 16:7

"a man loses his fortune; he gains earnestness. his eyesight goes, it leads him to a spirituality. the girls loses her beauty; she becomes more sympathetic. we think we are pushing our own way bravely, but there is a great Hand in ours all the time." -sir arthur conan doyle- the stark munro letters

"he remembered that she was pretty, and more, that she had a special grace in the intimacy of life. she had the secret of individuality which excites--and escapes." joseph conrad-victory

"away she hurried, not beautiful, not supremely brilliant, but filled with something that took the place of both qualities-something best described as a profound vivacity, a continual & sincere response to all that she encountered in her path through life." e.m. forster-howard's end