Wednesday, December 30, 2009

discovering today

we consoled ourselves saying that time would heal our wounds.
we fought through tears with eyes broken of love.
and when we were desperate to return, we found the road was gone.
so we sat at the river and we cried out,
for though all the time had passed, it remained
that the only thing left to do was to weep.
weep for yesterday's pain that remained in the depths of discovering today.
image: papertissue

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

a silent hidden kingdom...

waiting for the dawn.

image: papertissue

Friday, December 18, 2009

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

arms grown strong with love

In those days we finally chose
To walk like giants and hold the world
In arms grown strong with love,
And there may be many things we forget
In the days to come,
But this will not be one of them.

photo: shrevesies.
quote: storypeople

it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight...

Congratulations, my love. Your love for eachother is a dream.

photo: captivating

Monday, December 7, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009


the magic in his mane...

"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."
"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

"I saw you all right. They wouldn't believe me. They're all so—"
From somewhere deep inside Aslan's body there came the faintest suggestion of a growl.
"I'm sorry," said Lucy, who understood some of his moods.
"I didn't mean to start slanging the others. But it wasn't my fault anyway, was it?"
The Lion looked straight into her eyes.
"Oh, Aslan," said Lucy. "You don't mean it was? How could I – I couldn't have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I? Don't look at me like that… oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn't have been alone, I know, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good?"
Aslan said nothing.
"You mean," said Lucy rather faintly, "that it would have turned out all right – somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?"
"To know what would have happened, child?" said Aslan. "No. Nobody is ever told that."
"Oh dear," said Lucy.
"But anyone can find out what will happen," said Aslan. "If you go back to the others now, and wake them up; and tell them you have seen me again; and that you must all get up at once and follow me – what will happen? There is only one way of finding out."
"Do you mean that is what you want me to do?" gasped Lucy.
"Yes, little one," said Aslan.
"Will the others see you too?" asked Lucy.
"Certainly not at first," said Aslan. "Later on, it depends."
"But they won't believe me!" said Lucy.
"It doesn't matter," said Aslan.
"Oh dear, oh dear," said Lucy. "And I was so pleased at finding you again. And I thought you'd let me stay. And I thought you'd come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away – like last time. And now everything is going to be horrid."
"It is hard for you, little one," said Aslan. "But things never happen the same way twice. It has been hard for us all in Narnia before now."
Lucy buried her head in his mane to hide from his face. But there must have been magic in his mane. She could feel lion-strength going into her. Quite suddenly she sat up. "I'm sorry, Aslan," she said. "I'm ready now."
"Now you are a lioness," said Aslan. "And now all Narnia will be renewed. But come. We have no time to lose."
image: papertissue

Saturday, November 14, 2009


all we ever hurt for met in everything we need

all we ever treasured in hearts of whom we despise

time could only flee, for then its given gravity

and the ages keep believing for the end of time.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

love to die.

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." j 12.24
"if we lived for ever, what you say would be true. but we have to die, we have to leave life presently. injustice and greed would be the real things if we lived for ever. as it is, we must hold to other things, because Death is coming. i love Death-not morbidly, but because He explains. He shows me the emptiness of Money. Death and Money are the eternal foes. not Death and Life. never mind what lies behind Death, Mr Bast, but be sure that the poet and the musician and the tramp will be happier in it than the man who has never learned to say: 'I am I.'" -howard's end.

Monday, November 9, 2009

in my old age...

signs that i'm growing old...

1. the weather is too frequently the topic of conversation. yuck.

2. i prefer hot drinks.

3. our newly acquired sectional is my favorite thing right now.

4. i take left over homemade soup to lunch. a lot.

5. everyone in my life is getting married/getting serious. for real...if you're looking for a special someone, come be my'll probably find yourself with a ring on in no time.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

i was scared...

that i had forgotten how beautiful it was. but i closed my eyes and remembered how it had sparkled...and i grew thankful.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009



she'd spent the past hour and a half of the night searching high and low for it. the room that she previously spent hours cleaning in the daytime was now torn apart in this panicked search. her rain soaked boots were thrown across the floor along with the laundry she had just folded. her books were spread all over the desk and the bed was covered in miscellaneous items that she had emptied from her oversized satchel. how was it possible for it to go missing like this? she remembered where she had it last, though the memory grew fuzzier as she grew in the fear of never recovering it. she muttered a prayer under her breath, "God, i know this is immature of me but i really need it. if you let me find it i'll do anything. i'll never lie. i'll be so nice to everyone! i'll even be a missionary in Africa or something! oh, come on, God! pleeeeaaaaaase?" she began to pace back and forth and kept throwing up her hands as if to gesture that she was really about to give up completely. she stopped. she threw herself on the ground in defeat and she cried. she knew it was dumb to be so upset but she couldn't stand the idea that something she had just held on to was gone...never to be held by her again.

but right she opened her eyes, squinting away the tears...something glimmered at her from under the bed. she reached for it but it was just far enough that she would have to move her bed to reach it. so she pulled up the mattress and admist all the dust and random candy wrappers that hid there...she found it. it wasn't what she had been searching for. at all. but she forgot that she had even been missing what she now held in her hand. she thought back to how much it had pained her when she had thought it was lost forever. and she thought to herself that one day this would happen for the item she had searched for today. and there was gentle solace there.


Monday, October 12, 2009

i am neurotic?

i am neurotic is a blog devoted to our funny quirks. rebecca & candis would appreciate this one considering how quirky they've found me to be. i haven't done this in a while but i laughed out loud when i saw it because i almost forgot how it practically controlled everything i did as a child. at the little age of 7, i told myself on the playground, "i'll tell cory i like him if he blinks 4 times in the next minute." weird, right? the crazy thing is that i did it with everyyyything. "i'll start my homework if three more birds pass by my window." ha. well i'm delighted that there are other silly people who do/did it too.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

katherine, my dear. you are sooo right on.

come visit soon, love.

i miss two things.

taosybara from mark harrison on Vimeo.

one is the beautiful southwest. two is capybara...who i've never seen live but they so belong in my life. get here. soon.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

coin laundry part deux.


1 corinthians 9:26

"But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for." -Paulo Coelho
image: papertissue

Monday, September 28, 2009

image: papertissue

Friday, September 25, 2009

Yesh. oo. ah.

"You are saying about this city, 'by the sword, famine and plague it will be handed over to the king of Babylon'; but this is what the Lord, the God of Israel says, I will surely gather them from all the lands where I banish them in my furious anger and great wrath; I will bring them back to this place and let them live in safety. They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul."
jeremiah 32:36-41
image: papertissue

epic faith...

is what marks this man, James Kim. For several years now, my pastor has been telling me the story of his remarkable friend and today I found him on CNN Money. He's founding Pyongyang University of Science & Technology...the first private university in the communist country, North Korea. This is remarkable. In a country that has always portrayed the outside world as dangerous and a threat, this humble man of gargantuan faith is doing what anyone else would not dare to do. You can read the CNN article that goes into great detail of the incredible story here. The crazy thing about this man is that he would typically be considered a great threat to all North Korean principles. He's a South Korean immigrant that came to the States and found success as a businessman that chased after and abided by the ideals of American Capitalism. He's also an evangelical Christian. That's why in 1998, the secret police actually imprisoned Kim. He suffered for 40 days in the prison, being told he would die there. Now, more than ten years later...he will be founding the country's first private university that will make giant strides in opening up the rest of the world to a country that's hid itself away for decades.

Here's a brief excerpt describing the greatness of this success: "The school will have an international faculty educating, eventually, around 600 graduate students. Kim dreams ultimately of hosting an industrial park around the PUST campus, drawing firms from around the world -- a North Korean version, as bizarre as it sounds, of Palo Alto or Boston's Route 128.
There will be Internet access for all, connecting the students to an outside world that they've heretofore been instructed is a hostile and dangerous place. And among the six departments will be a school of industrial management."

What strikes me even more not even the success of this University, but the testimony of this man. It's crazy.

"When James was 15 years old, he tried to enlist in the army as the Korean War broke out, but a recruiter first turned him away as too young. "I cut my finger and wrote in blood, 'I love my country,'" so the recruiter changed his mind and accepted him. He joined an army unit of 800, and by 1952 only 17 remained. The rest had been killed.

Until that point, Kim had not himself been particularly religious. He had watched his grandfather "persecute" his father for his conversion to Christianity. But on the battlefield one night, Kim read from the Gospel of St. John, which had been passed out by a U.S. Army chaplain to the troops who remained. Having watched so much of his unit get wiped out, it was verse 3:16 that spoke to him: "That whosoever shall believe in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Then and there, says Kim, "I vowed to God to work with the Chinese and the North Koreans -- then our enemies. I would devote my life to it, if I survived the war." "

Epic faith....57 years later...Pyongyang University of Science & Technology begins. James Kim & North Korea=David & Goliath version 2009.
photos & quote from: CNN; article by: Bill Powell

Friday, September 18, 2009

the hometapes house.

SXSW 2009 _ The Hometapes House from vincent moon / temporary areas on Vimeo.


A crust of bread and a corner to sleep in,
A minute to smile and an hour to weep in,
A pint of joy to a peck of trouble,
And never a laugh but the moans come double;
And that is life!

A crust and a corner that love makes precious,
With a smile to warm and the tears to refresh us;
And joy seems sweeter when cares come after,
And a moan is the finest of foils for laughter;
And that is life!
-paul laurence dunbar.

i would live in your love.

I would live in your love as the sea-grasses live in the sea,Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that recedes;

I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul as it leads.
-sara teasdale.

volcano choir.

done for. is me.

Friday, September 11, 2009


i went through a few months where i soaked up all of the books and songs that all kind of sounded and looked alike. they all told me how i should feel and what i should think. i nodded along and was comforted that others had experienced similar confusion and frustration...i was comforted that others had felt a similar pain. i told a friend that it was crazy how all those cliche phrases that i had once scoffed at, presently came spilling through my own lips. she told me that was the beauty of our common human experiences...that there was a reason why cliches became cliche.

and though i still think that there's brilliant beauty in that, there's something i've missed out on. i was recently sitting with my cello and wondering why i felt such a deep gratitude towards it. i realized that it's because my cello never tells me how i should feel. instead, i'm able to play what i'm not able to say. through my cello i'm able to express all those things that i don't have an answer for yet. i've realized that in the course of being comforted through other's stories, i've fallen into a well of commiserating, and in that well, i was surrendering the pen that writes my story. i was letting my story drown in the hundreds and thousands of other stories that were beautiful, but certainly not my own.

i recently saw lymbyc systym play live and realized that i like my music without words. my heart will always flutter for brilliant songwriting, but i like it when music, every once in a while, just tells me to feel & think rather than telling me what to feel & think. i've resolved in my heart to take back the pen and write my own story again.

so far...two words have been clearly written.

"practice resurrection."

image: papertissue

Friday, September 4, 2009

montreal on my mind.

Plants and Animals - A Take Away Show - Bye Bye Bye from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

proud to be a texan.

i'm contemplating a move back to Texas just to live in a home crafted by the brilliant mr. dan phillips. these homes are some of the most unique, well-crafted, and gorgeous creations i've seen. mr. phillips creates these homes out of materials that he collects in landfills and other people's waste. read the article here, and see his creations here. (take note of the cork floor, storybook house roof and the osage wood counter. stunning.)

then there's this. back in 2005, berlin artists michael elmgreen and ingar dragset had an idea to install a prada store in the middle of the west texas desert, close to marfa. the idea was for it to be freestanding in the middle of the desert and to let it stand as a relic. one of the funders noted that, "we loved the idea of the piece being born on oct. 1 and that it will never again be maintained. if someone spray-paints graffiti or a cowboy decides to use it as target practice or maybe a mouse or a muskrat makes a home in it, 50 years from now it will be a ruin that is a reflection of the time it was made."

then there's this beautiful video by la blogotheque down in marfa, tx. jose gonzalez. wow.

#SPLIT 13.2 - José Gonzalez - Storm
by lablogotheque

so in other words....texas, i kind of miss you. coming to see you soon...

Saturday, August 29, 2009


if only it were this cute in real life. tragic.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

1 john 4:18-19.

my nephew caleb. words don't exist to explain his existence. caleb has lived a little over seven short months but his little life is already so epic to us.

in april, my family gathered in LA to remember my dad's life. it's been five years since he passed away and in this fifth year, we've all found ourselves in new seasons of life where we recognize the void, the places we had always imagined he would be, to encourage us, to hold us, to correct us, to laugh with us and watch us proudly. my brother finds himself with a beautiful family of his own which has brought new questions that his seasons past didn't know existed. i imagine that my dad rejoices in heaven for my dear brother who's growing so much everyday but understimates his own capacity & potential. i think my dad's chanting his name and telling Jesus all the stories about my brother's triumphs....stories that Jesus already knows, but with a grin allows my dad the pleasure of reliving. i think that even in the moments where my brother sits in his office alone, scared that he'll let us all down, my dad is whispering promises of hope into our raging lives. my sister in law married into the mourning of a man she's never been able to look at and be affirmed by. i think her heart breaks for all of us, but it breaks for herself too, the sadness of what she feels she may have missed. my mom finds herself in a crazy place not only physically (she lives in Mississippi) but also in life. she used to find her whole purpose in lavishing her life on us, as a mother and as a wife to my dad. in the past year she's had to somewhat relinquish the comfort of finding her purpose in these roles. she's wandered away from el paso, which we all knew as home and finds herself in the quiet of frequent solitude in the southern forests. in that quiet, she misses him....the man that helped her build her life so. the man that was supposed to be there when life as she knew it escaped her. i was on the phone with my aunt yesterday and she told me that i resembled my mother in the way i hold one thing in my heart so recklessly. i asked her what she meant and she said that my mom had once told her, "i don't care that he left me early. he was beautiful when he came and beautiful when he left. if i was twenty five again, i'd marry him all over again, tragic loss and all." how beautiful...that reckless love. but how tragic the void. then there's me. i've only been graduated from college a year. i have a full-time job for the first time and i get to help people with it...something that my dad surrendered his whole life to, way more radically than i. i wake up every morning to find that my face has devoted itself even more to his legacy than it did the night before. i used to think i would miss him less and feel less of the loss as time passed. instead i've woken up in cold sweats so many nights in the past fearful that a memory of this brilliantly sincere man might escape me if i let myself sleep too deep. for the first time in five years i've stayed up entire nights reliving conversations we had about big important things and little silly things. i'm desperate to remember it all, because it's the greatest comfort to me in this season of life where so much is unknown.

then on january 5 this year....this little boy arrived. my brother cried the first time he looked at his son because he looks eerily like my dad. he was born making the same facial expressions as this great man that all of us ache for. so we all sit around this beautiful blessing and watch his every move...comforted that my dad is so very alive today. he smiles like dad and laughs like dad and is the most easy going guy just like dad.

and he goes on smiling...not knowing how much he's pouring back hope into our fragile lives. he laughs from his little belly and unknowingly reminds us that dad's still wishing big for us.

the moment caleb was born i wrote this prayer in my journal:

"Lord, let today be a day that shakes heaven & brings us closer to Your Kingdom come. Let Caleb be a man who loves You radically, gives his whole life to Your glory & renown. Let his life burn as an offering to You and may he draw everyone in His life closer to Your fire with his radical abandon to Love.

Father, may Caleb be a passionate man, unrestricted by fear & bondage. May he never be afraid to fight fear and always eager to love. Jesus, give him strength to not let fear stop Love."

i felt so strongly that Caleb would be marked by his capacity to love both humbly & fiercely.

this is a picture of Caleb just a few weeks ago. look at his face....radical love already abides there, and though Caleb's life has only begun, he's already become the things i prayed for...for us.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

yes, please.

imogen did this.
it's so beautiful. her album comes out on tues.
wait it out, half-life, & bad body double have already been played a gajillion times.
imogen really did it.

and i couldn't be more grateful. it's like she knew i would need it. right now. gosh. thanks, imogen...

Friday, August 21, 2009

freak out.

over this.

buy tickets.

then get amped....

for this.

deux types.



Tuesday, August 18, 2009

matt g.

is the bomb. one day my claim to awesomeness will be having worked in association to matt g. he's always been a brilliant and humble artist, even in our waco days. matt's off to bigger and better things in austin, though. he's now in public school, which is pretty much the most cohesively creative idea i've come across in a while. it's just a group of rad artists who work in an office together and title this brotherhood "public school." you need to check out their blog portion, "show & tell" on the right side of their page. this here is my favorite little print of theirs.

slow day.

and it makes me just ache for the days i spent adventuring with these lovelies...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

talitha koum

all i could do was sit & mourn.
but he took my hand and said, "talitha koum."
so i got up. and i lived.
image: papertissue


Friday, August 7, 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009

from: papertissue

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

how foolish of me...

for not noticing before! each color otter pop has its own unique character & story & collectively make up a band! i discovered this a few days ago and was delighted. so today i reached into the freezer at work and saw that there were several lonely green pops shoved into the corner. i everyone else i have avoided the green. without outright saying that i dislike lime, i acquiesced to the universal rejection of it by sheepishly avoiding it. not today. i thought of green's character and it was no longer a flavor but a cute little friend....a cute little friend that i had avoided. so here he is...please meet sir isaac.

here is a brief profile on sir isaac, provided by the "otter popstar's" website. enjoy.

Full Name: Sir Isaac Lime

Instrument: Piano

Sir Isaac is a renowned British scientist and visiting professor at the prestigious Otterdam Institute. He became the keyboardist for the Otter PopStars after joining the other otters for an impromptu after-hours jam session at the Whisker A Go-Go. Sir Isaac is a seasoned concert pianist who has been "tickling the ivories" since the age of four. "I believe that music is an expression of the harmonic vibrations of the cosmos," says Sir Isaac, "And those who think otherwise are just silly."

his favorite things: supernovas, sub-atomic particles & the sound of his voice.

pet peeves: fast food, mathematical inaccuracies & people who neglect to put a napkin on their lap during meals.

Monday, August 3, 2009

there is another sky...

There is another sky,
Ever serene and fair,
And there is another sunshine,
Though it be darkness there;

Never mind faded forests, Austin,
Never mind silent fields -Here is a little forest,
Whose leaf is ever green;

Here is a brighter garden,
Where not a frost has been;
In its unfading flowers
I hear the bright bee hum:
Prithee, my brother,
Into my garden come!

-emily dickinson
image from papertissue

Sunday, August 2, 2009


sabbath. pause. rest. breathe. hold. interlude. recess. repose.

image from:

Saturday, August 1, 2009


taken from:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

can i be the girl you met

in the coin laundry.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

girl crush.

this is keetra.
i have a girl crush on keetra. her projects are stunning and are not only extremely planned out but so thought-provoking. rising stars? anonymous hugging? what about a thousand thanks? her creativity is ridiculously inspiring. thanks, keetra.

Monday, July 27, 2009


i'm revisiting purity of the heart is to will one thing by soren kierkegaard again. it's one of my all-time favorites and it's calling me to itself again. i forgot how gorgeous this beginning is...

"Father in heaven! What is a man without Thee! What is all that he knows, vast accumulation though it be, but a chipped fragment if he does not know Thee! What is all his striving, could it even encompass a world, but a half-finished work if he does not know Thee: Thee the One, who art one thing and who art all! So may Thou give to the intellect, wisdom to comprehend that one thing; to the heart, sincerity to receive this understanding; to the will, purity that wills only one thing. In prosperity may Thou grant perseverance to will one thing; amid distractions collectedness to will one thing; in suffering, patience to will one thing. Oh, Thou that giveth both the beginning and the completion, may Thou early, at the dawn of day, give to the young man the resolution to will one thing. As the day wanes, may Thou give to the old man a renewed remembrance of his first resolution, that the first may be like the last, the last like the first, in possession of a life that has willed only one thing. Alas, but this has indeed not come to pass. Something has come in between. The separation of sin lies in between. Each day, and day after day something is being placed in between: delay, blockage, interruption, delusion, corruption. So in this time of repentance may Thou give the courage once again to will one thing. True, it is an interruption of our ordinary tasks; we do lay down our work as though it were a day of rest, when the penitent (and it is only in a time of repentance that the heavy-laden worker may be quiet in the confession of sin) is along before Thee in self-accusation. This is indeed an interruption. But is an interruption that searches back into its very beginnings that it might bind up anew that which sin has separated, that in its grief it might atone for lost time, that in its anxiety it might bring to completion that which lies before it. Oh, Thou that givest both the beginning and the completion, give Thou victory in the day of need so that what neither a man's burning wish nor his determined resolution may attain to, may be granted unto him in the sorrowing of repentance: to will only one thing."

thank you, Jesus....for brilliant men who walked this earth so many years before, but in speaking in such vulnerability & passion....are able to speak to the raging fears inside of me.

image from

Friday, July 24, 2009

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

summer vaca.

this is my first summer as a "real" adult. oof.

last thursday was a productive but looong day at work. what made it so long was the strong sun that shone through the tree outside of my window...all day...beseeching me to play so relentlessly. but when i jumped in my car sooo eager to get home & finally accept my dear sun's invitation....i had a yellow "no gas" light staring me in the face. no fun. so i begrudgingly stopped at the gas station close to work and i even more begrudgingly asked the man at the window to put my $20 on tank 7. that's when i saw it. the ice cream cooler. before i knew it my hand reached into that beautifully frigid treasure box and pulled out...a. push. up. pop. this is when it happened. my summer revival. i quite gladly waited for the pump to kindly feed my car with gas while i happily licked away at my push-up pop. then i drove away so thankful for the animal collective that blared & even my sticky orange fingers.

so i decided that although summer vaca as i have known it for 13+ years is dead & will always be raging deep within me. words are not enough must take action.

on monday night i was strolling through rite-aid with a dear friend and spotted this...a big mama box of this....

our work freezer is now stashed with otter pops...which equally delight me. everyday on the way home from work now....i grab an otter pop, get in my car, blare the summer anthem of the day and let summer vaca come alive again.

as i've said before...growing up is overrated. but for now it can't be avoided so an otter pop & summer tunes will do.

Friday, July 17, 2009

post-it love.

lately, a lot of creative short films revolving around creative post-it-ing have been popping up. here's a recent fav...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

a little morsel of chicago.

my dear rebes sent me this (i edited a tid bit) to hold me over until i get my hands on those chicago only get a little glimpse of her profile and she's still breathtaking. geesh. that's my rebes.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

i am the proud owner...

of a brand new baby holga.

i love this quote by dorothea lange: "While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see."

i took her with me to chicago but the camera shop i go to opens and closes during my work day so i haven't been able to develop my film yet. oof. by friiiiday i'll have little morsels of my trip to the chi. i had forgotten this feeling...the anticipation of discovering what lays on those scraps of film...discovering what that moment looked like through the lens...the thrill of opening up the envelope and getting your eager fingerprints all over the glossy images. yee hee hee. can't wait.

Monday, July 13, 2009

uniform project.

hooray for cute indian girls & their kind hearts...

Saturday, July 11, 2009