towed.

if only it were this cute in real life. tragic.

1 john 4:18-19.

my nephew caleb. words don't exist to explain his existence. caleb has lived a little over seven short months but his little life is already so epic to us.

in april, my family gathered in LA to remember my dad's life. it's been five years since he passed away and in this fifth year, we've all found ourselves in new seasons of life where we recognize the void, the places we had always imagined he would be, to encourage us, to hold us, to correct us, to laugh with us and watch us proudly. my brother finds himself with a beautiful family of his own which has brought new questions that his seasons past didn't know existed. i imagine that my dad rejoices in heaven for my dear brother who's growing so much everyday but understimates his own capacity & potential. i think my dad's chanting his name and telling Jesus all the stories about my brother's triumphs....stories that Jesus already knows, but with a grin allows my dad the pleasure of reliving. i think that even in the moments where my brother sits in his office alone, scared that he'll let us all down, my dad is whispering promises of hope into our raging lives. my sister in law married into the mourning of a man she's never been able to look at and be affirmed by. i think her heart breaks for all of us, but it breaks for herself too, the sadness of what she feels she may have missed. my mom finds herself in a crazy place not only physically (she lives in Mississippi) but also in life. she used to find her whole purpose in lavishing her life on us, as a mother and as a wife to my dad. in the past year she's had to somewhat relinquish the comfort of finding her purpose in these roles. she's wandered away from el paso, which we all knew as home and finds herself in the quiet of frequent solitude in the southern forests. in that quiet, she misses him....the man that helped her build her life so. the man that was supposed to be there when life as she knew it escaped her. i was on the phone with my aunt yesterday and she told me that i resembled my mother in the way i hold one thing in my heart so recklessly. i asked her what she meant and she said that my mom had once told her, "i don't care that he left me early. he was beautiful when he came and beautiful when he left. if i was twenty five again, i'd marry him all over again, tragic loss and all." how beautiful...that reckless love. but how tragic the void. then there's me. i've only been graduated from college a year. i have a full-time job for the first time and i get to help people with it...something that my dad surrendered his whole life to, way more radically than i. i wake up every morning to find that my face has devoted itself even more to his legacy than it did the night before. i used to think i would miss him less and feel less of the loss as time passed. instead i've woken up in cold sweats so many nights in the past year...so fearful that a memory of this brilliantly sincere man might escape me if i let myself sleep too deep. for the first time in five years i've stayed up entire nights reliving conversations we had about big important things and little silly things. i'm desperate to remember it all, because it's the greatest comfort to me in this season of life where so much is unknown.

then on january 5 this year....this little boy arrived. my brother cried the first time he looked at his son because he looks eerily like my dad. he was born making the same facial expressions as this great man that all of us ache for. so we all sit around this beautiful blessing and watch his every move...comforted that my dad is so very alive today. he smiles like dad and laughs like dad and is the most easy going guy just like dad.

and he goes on smiling...not knowing how much he's pouring back hope into our fragile lives. he laughs from his little belly and unknowingly reminds us that dad's still wishing big for us.

the moment caleb was born i wrote this prayer in my journal:

"Lord, let today be a day that shakes heaven & brings us closer to Your Kingdom come. Let Caleb be a man who loves You radically, gives his whole life to Your glory & renown. Let his life burn as an offering to You and may he draw everyone in His life closer to Your fire with his radical abandon to Love.

Father, may Caleb be a passionate man, unrestricted by fear & bondage. May he never be afraid to fight fear and always eager to love. Jesus, give him strength to not let fear stop Love."

i felt so strongly that Caleb would be marked by his capacity to love both humbly & fiercely.

this is a picture of Caleb just a few weeks ago. look at his face....radical love already abides there, and though Caleb's life has only begun, he's already become the things i prayed for...for us.

yes, please.

imogen did this.
it's so beautiful. her album comes out on tues.
wait it out, half-life, & bad body double have already been played a gajillion times.
imogen really did it.


and i couldn't be more grateful. it's like she knew i would need it. right now. gosh. thanks, imogen...

freak out.

over this.

buy tickets.

then get amped....

for this.

deux types.

un.

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deux.

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matt g.

is the bomb. one day my claim to awesomeness will be having worked in association to matt g. he's always been a brilliant and humble artist, even in our waco days. matt's off to bigger and better things in austin, though. he's now in public school, which is pretty much the most cohesively creative idea i've come across in a while. it's just a group of rad artists who work in an office together and title this brotherhood "public school." you need to check out their blog portion, "show & tell" on the right side of their page. this here is my favorite little print of theirs.

slow day.

and it makes me just ache for the days i spent adventuring with these lovelies...

talitha koum

all i could do was sit & mourn.

but he took my hand and said, "talitha koum."

so i got up. and i lived.

image: papertissue

hope.

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sprout and the bean.

from: papertissue

how foolish of me...

for not noticing before! each color otter pop has its own unique character & story & collectively make up a band! i discovered this a few days ago and was delighted. so today i reached into the freezer at work and saw that there were several lonely green pops shoved into the corner. i know...like everyone else i have avoided the green. without outright saying that i dislike lime, i acquiesced to the universal rejection of it by sheepishly avoiding it. not today. i thought of green's character and it was no longer a flavor but a cute little friend....a cute little friend that i had avoided. so here he is...please meet sir isaac.

here is a brief profile on sir isaac, provided by the "otter popstar's" website. enjoy.

Full Name: Sir Isaac Lime

Instrument: Piano

Sir Isaac is a renowned British scientist and visiting professor at the prestigious Otterdam Institute. He became the keyboardist for the Otter PopStars after joining the other otters for an impromptu after-hours jam session at the Whisker A Go-Go. Sir Isaac is a seasoned concert pianist who has been "tickling the ivories" since the age of four. "I believe that music is an expression of the harmonic vibrations of the cosmos," says Sir Isaac, "And those who think otherwise are just silly."

his favorite things: supernovas, sub-atomic particles & the sound of his voice.

pet peeves: fast food, mathematical inaccuracies & people who neglect to put a napkin on their lap during meals.

there is another sky...

There is another sky,
Ever serene and fair,
And there is another sunshine,
Though it be darkness there;

Never mind faded forests, Austin,
Never mind silent fields -Here is a little forest,
Whose leaf is ever green;

Here is a brighter garden,
Where not a frost has been;
In its unfading flowers
I hear the bright bee hum:
Prithee, my brother,
Into my garden come!

-emily dickinson
image from papertissue

selah.

sabbath. pause. rest. breathe. hold. interlude. recess. repose.

image from: kindovermatter.blogspot.com

spectacular.

taken from: thereadbaron.blogspot.com