i had never...

really listened to sun kil moon. but this song keeps popping up in my "tallest man on earth" pandora station and it's starting to really pull me in. i think it has the familiarity of the 90's alternative music i find so comforting.

i live with 7 girls...

so this never happens. but i am officially

HOME ALONE.

and i shouldn't feel so silly about it.

but. i. do.

which makes me realize...scotland will be more challenging than i initially thought.

this solitude i dreamt of...will be deeper and more tangible than

any i've ever. ever. ever. known.

so i'll need so much more of Him.

to fill this void.

in me.

so i go.

i miss it. but there are good, beautiful, real and wonderful things coming. so i go.

last night.

amélie. wrapped up and next to the fireplace. yes, thank you.

it's not about me.

to be alone with you.

Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You - Oct 1/09, Toronto from trendaway on Vimeo.

old soul, new day.

dear old friend,

i wonder how you are. i wonder about your day...about the people you embraced, the tune you hummed, the sky you saw and the hands you did shake. i wonder if anything made your heart soar today... and i care so terribly about what direction you've gone, in what place you'll choose to lay. i wonder about the words you used, the things you feared, the questions you asked, and the answers you've refused. i wonder where you parked your bike, where your feet stood, where your hands layed, and the places you'll yearn for as you drift off to sleep tonight.

i wonder about today as i wonder about the days to come, when we'll look back on this day of such uncertainty, and know that it was these days what would make the substance of those days....that it was this heart today, that would dictate its own future fate.

i just know that sometimes, i try so hard to live as though today is independent of that day. i hope that you haven't skipped pebbles, being unaware of the waves you'd create.

oh, friend...all day, i've wondered about your day.

dear heart, don't grow dim.

when i was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. everything moved me. a dog following a stranger. that made me feel so much. a calender that showed the wrong month. i could have cried over it. i did. where the smoke from the chimney ended. how an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table. i spent my life learning to feel less. every day i felt less. is that growing old? or is it something worse? you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

-jonathan safran foer "extremely loud and incredibly close."

macaroon! macaroon!

this weekend, i met a real life french pastry chef. i think that i would very much like to marry this man. he had a wonderful accent that made my heart tickle. and he taught me how to thicken my preserves for my raspberry cutout heart cookies. he gave me his secrets and macaroons to munch on.

i think i will be stopping by his stand at the farmer's market stand more often.