promises for keeps.

image via tumblr.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

John 14:3

proceeding.

despite its uncertainties and even its fair share of devastations, i'm so grateful for my life, and that it gets to be lived with Him. He makes weak places strong, the hurt places healed, the unknown things known. but trillions of lifetimes cannot fathom His mysteries. and.i.am.okay.with.that. it's for the unknown that we continue living...to see what may come of the next day, and to encounter the future. He's my unknown.

photo via here.

hungry for answers, but there's one answer only. everytime. everything. take it to Him.

Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.

I should never say, “I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test.” Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.

In dealing with other people, our stance should always be to drive them toward making a decision of their will. That is how surrendering to God begins. Not often, but every once in a while, God brings us to a major turning point— a great crossroads in our life. From that point we either go toward a more and more slow, lazy, and useless Christian life, or we become more and more on fire, giving our utmost for His highest— our best for His glory.

oswald chambers;;utmost for His highest.

may i be weaved in your hair.

iron and wine; love & some verses.

!!!

what a day.

first i had a really awesome interview with the folks at red hill, which reminded me of why i dream of opening up my own restaurant one day. i grew up working in my parent's restaurant, where i spent my weekends. but as much as i pretended like i hated it, my parents knew better. i loved the environment they created for their customers. they never put out a single advertisement. their business was built 100% on the relationships they developed through the years. in that time, our family saw our regulars get married, graduate, have children, celebrate birthdays, and even mourn losses. they expected my parents to ask them how they were doing, and knew that they actually cared. when my dad passed away, some of our regulars came to his funeral, and others left cards and flowers at our restaurant. our regulars were special people, and we were thankful to be a part of their days. i hope i can recreate that kind of magic for a community i call home one day.

after my interview, i dropped in to vivier & bentley and got to meet my favorite jewelry designer, kathryn bentley. i came away with these lovelies...which i've been smitten with for quite a while.

then! i ran into the candy store in old town pasadena, bc i had no change for the parking meter! look what i found!! stallion bubble gum cigarettes! i used to buy these from the ice cream trucks and hide them in my clothes drawers when i was a littttle girl. mumsie always found them. i always wondered how she knew, but i forgot back then, that she washed all my clothes and was in my dresser drawers 10x more than me. oops.

then there's these. my heart skipped a beat when i saw the box at my doorstep. i've been waiting for these steezies!!! i will have many adventures in these. oh, the things we will see, the places we will go, the mountains we will hike! today we wandered around the reservoir. tomorrow, who knows what we will see :)

Yes to me despite me.

dry bones.

lately i'm so homesick. but no place fills that void. el paso, waco, san diego, glasgow, la. none of these places are my true home. it's awakened in me a desperate hunger for the Kingdom come. i'm so desperate to taste that immense pleasure and comfort of finally just being with Who i was created for, to not question or live in fear, but to be in the depths of His security and grace. until then, He's made a way for me, to be with Him in the here and now. wherever i am. Spirit, come. these dry bones ache for You.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. -Revelation 21:4.

warm whistles.

...how did so little of your time affect so much of mine?

"you're still in my drawer...

secondary sources, to bring me news of you..."

-jillian edwards.

photo via: papertissue.tumblr.com

gusty night...

...and then i remembered. how i could never forget.

loosed grips.

...if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. for whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. -luke 9:23-24.

i would rather...

i would rather spend my time getting my hands dirty in adventure with you,

than to spend it pampering and preserving hands that were made to turn rough as we use them to create.

i would rather spend my kisses on you,

a young thing, so full of dreams and possibilities,

than to mourn those old familiar things, that linger with me in quiet

mornings and fearful nights.

i would rather hold you prayerfully and remember how he held me.

the things to be.

i am me. and you are you.

but tragically we cannot be we.

dreams visit me in my sleep.

they beckon me to believe things i've never seen.

helpless hearts grew braver,

blurry eyes grew stronger,

and hope grew in a heart to believe for things to be.

this picture is my woah.

there are lots of pictures out there. and some of them are really really good. this one took my breath away. it kind of breaks my heart for reasons i can't explain. but i'm stuck on it.

life friends.

some sweet parting moments shared with friends who will now always be a part of me.

introducing the dutchman to wayne's world. we're such good americans.

amaretto with the brothers avett.

one of the top 3 supper gatherings of my life. truthfully.

i swear, i think carly glows. she is special.

sweet daniele's special italian drink. a little too grown up tasting for me.

my favorite chef. chez jerrique.

focaccia heaven.

jerrique in action.

....a little break with our baroquial jumping jill!

a quick wipe-down from the italian sous chef...

...and a quick and quiet (maybe a bit awkward) break with mr. bonz later...

and VOILA! a stunning beetroot risotto.

daniele wonders if we can eat such a masterpiece. i concurred.

but then quickly ate with much jolly.

a few nights and one dissertation submittal later, this silliness led

straight up to my departure...

NO ONE. not even kelly chilton can keep a straight face after making THAT face...

i'm going to miss the bagelsmith house.

my favorite dutchman.

the yummiest drink i ever had. courtesy of a bagel sister.
the dutchman.

and a going away card full of puffy sweets stickers. dawny knows me.

i LOVE HER!

and my favvvvorite flour-free cake.

....all of this led straight through the night, practically right up to departure. these are life friends. ones that could make my heart burst....and the ones that made glasgow's bitter cold, sweet and warm. looking forward to a reuniting with these dear hearts soon.

a pitter patter heart.

ringing in my ear, was this truth.

mercy triumphs over judgement.

and i thought of you. for the millionth time. i thought of you.

a year ago.

a year ago i had no clue what and who glasgow would become to me. now there's a space in me that glasgow will always be responsible for, and faces that i'll cherish and long for. a year ago i trembled in my airplane seat, unsure of how or what overtook me, and led me to the city i'd never known. now i can't imagine having spent the last year of my life anywhere else. it seems foolish to be so sure of something, but some things you can't question because of how they've changed you and known you. glasgow has become one.

glasgow, i'll take with me forever.

everything led to now. now led to then.

summer in france was perfect. i have this 30 second memory from one of our adventure filled days...it floats in and out of my mind, filling my spirit with the deeep warmth i felt in that moment. it was so warm in provence as we hitch hiked through country roads, and the three of us were in our thin summer dresses, letting most of our skin bare to the hot sun, our hair still damp from pool water and wrapped in braids. our backpack's straps buried themselves into our shoulders, but they felt light from the graciousness of adventure. we came to a tight overpass and knew we should run before the next speeding car approached...without words, we began to run...backpacks hitting our bums each time, almost pushing us on quicker into whatever it was that lay before us. i remember looking ahead of me at the two girls, the light from the sun speckling throughout as it glimmered on them through the tree branches, with their braids and dresses flying behind them...in the joy of summer's simplicity.

i'll return to that moment for a lifetime, thankful for everything that lead to that moment, and everything now that will follow.

i shouldn't wonder anymore, but i do.

i still listen to the ocean...i listen to the waves...wondering if they're still whispering our story back to me.

young man.

geez louise. colin caulfield. a big resounding >>yyyyyesssss<< to you.

i can't get enough of your lovvvvvely tunes, including this brilliant cover of my favorite beach house song...

holding on.

via tumblr.

a year later...

i started organizing my things today, preparing to leave scotland in a couple weeks. i sorted through stacks of postcards and letters from friends and family that have sustained me through this year, far away from home. but i also found what felt like relics from a year ago, when i was embarking on this journey. one of those is this scrap of paper, torn out of a journal entry that i wrote a year ago.

can't you?

young.trouble

YOUNG TROUBLE

We don’t pay much attention to the elderly.
Even though they probably know more than us
about what it all truly means.

Even when they’ve done something stellar
like helped win a war fifteen presidents ago
or built the first car
or outlived their entire families
with no special diet or exercise routine to speak of.

Even then we don’t give them much of our time
or try keep them around
close enough so we can listen.

Maybe it’s because they talk so slow
and move so slow
and we’re busy living so fast
scrambling about and trying to fit it all in
burning our youth at both ends
so by the time we get to their age
we’ll have all kinds of fantastic answers
to all kinds of amazing questions.
Fantastic answers to amazing questions…
that no one
will pay much attention to
at all.

-some food for thought by dallas clayton.

::photo from vivian maier collection::

idle ties.

i walk alone, but i feel ya,

smiling upon me, i wonder

what you have drawn on your hands today,

runes to show you remember.

idle ties, ink and dyes,

woven arms, open wide,

you're with me tonight.

put on that tape that you made for me,

it's got marc bolan and vashti

ringin' my ear like a mission bell

come and go dive in the ink well

idle ties, ink and dyes,

sink and sigh,

token charms kept near by,

you're with me tonight.

now the wind answers your telephone,

come on, sing the city soft now

well it'll get to her once you're underground,

signal can't carry in the train down.

idle ties, sing and sigh,

open arms, open wide.

you're with me tonight.

vetiver; idle ties.

crazy excited.

for the strings on this brilliant lady's new album. leslie feist. mad props.

hebrews 11:16.

instead, they were longing for a better country-a heavenly one.

therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God,

for he has prepared a city for them.

hebrews 11:16

tell me no lies...

hey you.

image via: papertissue.tumblr.com

look for the learning.

working on my dissertation perched on the windowsill in montmartre, listening to Bowerbirds, makes something that should be terrifying much too lovely. dear art & human rights, what a tremendous team you make <3 what wonderous change we can see through you. so much gratefulness to a Papa who calls and leads us to see such things...some so terrible and some so beautiful. but all real, and with us together, in this world.