we consoled ourselves saying that time would heal our wounds.
In those days we finally chose
all we ever hurt for met in everything we need
all we ever treasured in hearts of whom we despise
time could only flee, for then its given gravity
and the ages keep believing for the end of time.
"if we lived for ever, what you say would be true. but we have to die, we have to leave life presently. injustice and greed would be the real things if we lived for ever. as it is, we must hold to other things, because Death is coming. i love Death-not morbidly, but because He explains. He shows me the emptiness of Money. Death and Money are the eternal foes. not Death and Life. never mind what lies behind Death, Mr Bast, but be sure that the poet and the musician and the tramp will be happier in it than the man who has never learned to say: 'I am I.'" -howard's end.
signs that i'm growing old...
i am neurotic is a blog devoted to our funny quirks. rebecca & candis would appreciate this one considering how quirky they've found me to be. i haven't done this in a while but i laughed out loud when i saw it because i almost forgot how it practically controlled everything i did as a child. at the little age of 7, i told myself on the playground, "i'll tell cory i like him if he blinks 4 times in the next minute." weird, right? the crazy thing is that i did it with everyyyything. "i'll start my homework if three more birds pass by my window." ha. well i'm delighted that there are other silly people who do/did it too.taosybara from mark harrison on Vimeo.
one is the beautiful southwest. two is capybara...who i've never seen live but they so belong in my life. get here. soon.
"But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for." -Paulo Coelho
"You are saying about this city, 'by the sword, famine and plague it will be handed over to the king of Babylon'; but this is what the Lord, the God of Israel says, I will surely gather them from all the lands where I banish them in my furious anger and great wrath; I will bring them back to this place and let them live in safety. They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul."
is what marks this man, James Kim. For several years now, my pastor has been telling me the story of his remarkable friend and today I found him on CNN Money. He's founding Pyongyang University of Science & Technology...the first private university in the communist country, North Korea. This is remarkable. In a country that has always portrayed the outside world as dangerous and a threat, this humble man of gargantuan faith is doing what anyone else would not dare to do. You can read the CNN article that goes into great detail of the incredible story here. The crazy thing about this man is that he would typically be considered a great threat to all North Korean principles. He's a South Korean immigrant that came to the States and found success as a businessman that chased after and abided by the ideals of American Capitalism. He's also an evangelical Christian. That's why in 1998, the secret police actually imprisoned Kim. He suffered for 40 days in the prison, being told he would die there. Now, more than ten years later...he will be founding the country's first private university that will make giant strides in opening up the rest of the world to a country that's hid itself away for decades.
A crust of bread and a corner to sleep in,
i went through a few months where i soaked up all of the books and songs that all kind of sounded and looked alike. they all told me how i should feel and what i should think. i nodded along and was comforted that others had experienced similar confusion and frustration...i was comforted that others had felt a similar pain. i told a friend that it was crazy how all those cliche phrases that i had once scoffed at, presently came spilling through my own lips. she told me that was the beauty of our common human experiences...that there was a reason why cliches became cliche.
i'm contemplating a move back to Texas just to live in a home crafted by the brilliant mr. dan phillips. these homes are some of the most unique, well-crafted, and gorgeous creations i've seen. mr. phillips creates these homes out of materials that he collects in landfills and other people's waste. read the article here, and see his creations here. (take note of the cork floor, storybook house roof and the osage wood counter. stunning.)
in april, my family gathered in LA to remember my dad's life. it's been five years since he passed away and in this fifth year, we've all found ourselves in new seasons of life where we recognize the void, the places we had always imagined he would be, to encourage us, to hold us, to correct us, to laugh with us and watch us proudly. my brother finds himself with a beautiful family of his own which has brought new questions that his seasons past didn't know existed. i imagine that my dad rejoices in heaven for my dear brother who's growing so much everyday but understimates his own capacity & potential. i think my dad's chanting his name and telling Jesus all the stories about my brother's triumphs....stories that Jesus already knows, but with a grin allows my dad the pleasure of reliving. i think that even in the moments where my brother sits in his office alone, scared that he'll let us all down, my dad is whispering promises of hope into our raging lives. my sister in law married into the mourning of a man she's never been able to look at and be affirmed by. i think her heart breaks for all of us, but it breaks for herself too, the sadness of what she feels she may have missed. my mom finds herself in a crazy place not only physically (she lives in Mississippi) but also in life. she used to find her whole purpose in lavishing her life on us, as a mother and as a wife to my dad. in the past year she's had to somewhat relinquish the comfort of finding her purpose in these roles. she's wandered away from el paso, which we all knew as home and finds herself in the quiet of frequent solitude in the southern forests. in that quiet, she misses him....the man that helped her build her life so. the man that was supposed to be there when life as she knew it escaped her. i was on the phone with my aunt yesterday and she told me that i resembled my mother in the way i hold one thing in my heart so recklessly. i asked her what she meant and she said that my mom had once told her, "i don't care that he left me early. he was beautiful when he came and beautiful when he left. if i was twenty five again, i'd marry him all over again, tragic loss and all." how beautiful...that reckless love. but how tragic the void. then there's me. i've only been graduated from college a year. i have a full-time job for the first time and i get to help people with it...something that my dad surrendered his whole life to, way more radically than i. i wake up every morning to find that my face has devoted itself even more to his legacy than it did the night before. i used to think i would miss him less and feel less of the loss as time passed. instead i've woken up in cold sweats so many nights in the past year...so fearful that a memory of this brilliantly sincere man might escape me if i let myself sleep too deep. for the first time in five years i've stayed up entire nights reliving conversations we had about big important things and little silly things. i'm desperate to remember it all, because it's the greatest comfort to me in this season of life where so much is unknown.
all i could do was sit & mourn.
here is a brief profile on sir isaac, provided by the "otter popstar's" website. enjoy.
Full Name: Sir Isaac Lime
Instrument: Piano
Sir Isaac is a renowned British scientist and visiting professor at the prestigious Otterdam Institute. He became the keyboardist for the Otter PopStars after joining the other otters for an impromptu after-hours jam session at the Whisker A Go-Go. Sir Isaac is a seasoned concert pianist who has been "tickling the ivories" since the age of four. "I believe that music is an expression of the harmonic vibrations of the cosmos," says Sir Isaac, "And those who think otherwise are just silly."
his favorite things: supernovas, sub-atomic particles & the sound of his voice.
pet peeves: fast food, mathematical inaccuracies & people who neglect to put a napkin on their lap during meals.
There is another sky,
image from: kindovermatter.blogspot.com
i have a girl crush on keetra. her projects are stunning and are not only extremely planned out but so thought-provoking. rising stars? anonymous hugging? what about a thousand thanks? her creativity is ridiculously inspiring. thanks, keetra.
on monday night i was strolling through rite-aid with a dear friend and spotted this...a big mama box of this....
our work freezer is now stashed with otter pops...which equally delight me. everyday on the way home from work now....i grab an otter pop, get in my car, blare the summer anthem of the day and let summer vaca come alive again.
